The Last Viking Returns

William the Conqueror, The Actual Last Viking

9 Comments

IN 911AD the Vikings invaded northern France and established a new colony in Normandy, and that is a seriously good name for a region if ever I’ve heard one. They quickly dominated the local population and became so immensely powerful that eventually William, Duke of Normandy, decided to invade England. He believed he had been promised the throne by the English King, Edward the Confessor. Unfortunately, on Edward’s death William’s distant relative, King Harold Godwinson, managed to beat him to the  throne and break his promise to William. William was not amused, to say the least, and very soon lived up to his nickname of William the Bastard. He then went ballistic!

In 1066 he began a full-scale invasion of England. Harold’s army was soundly defeated at the Battle of Hastings and he died with an arrow in the eye. Ouch! King William then set about being very beastly indeed to the English, spreading his wrath (and taxes) far and wide.

William’s brother, Bishop Odo, had huge comic-like account of the Battle of Hastings called the Bayeux Tapestry made to celebrate the battle.

Always warlike, like his Viking ancestors, I suppose, William died twenty years later while fighting the French, when his intestines burst, merde, though it took a further five weeks for him to actually die. At his funeral his bloated corpse was crammed into a too-small coffin and this, together with a warm day, caused his body to explode! The resulting smell was so disgusting that all the royal mourners immediately ran away from the royal funeral.

William’s favourite son, William Rufus, inherited the throne of England and he was said to be a right chip off the old block, also being cruel, unjust, self-indulgent and downright selfish, just like any normal English king.  Rufus too came to a sticky end, being mysteriously shot by an arrow while out hunting in the New Forest.

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Author: normanjorgensen

I'm an Australian writer of books for kids and teenagers. I like traveling and seeing the world, especially through the the lens of my camera. I'm addicted to old movies, red wine and books and decent music.

9 thoughts on “William the Conqueror, The Actual Last Viking

  1. Dear Norman of the Jorgensens,

    Nasty rellies, interesting nicknames, exploding corpses, mysterious deaths in the forest…….

    Can’t wait for the next chapter!

    Lynley

  2. i really need this article, i had searched one like article so many time, and i find this good article… thank guy…

  3. William the Conqueror led the Normans to victory against the English in the Battle of Hastings in October 1066. It was quite funny actually because Harald Hadrada, the King of Norway who fought in the battle of stamford bridge and the battle of fulford both in september 1066, came out of no where because he wanted to be the king of england claiming that his ancestors were english rulers. Harold Godwinson ,who was the 2nd most important person in england after edward the confessor, who died without any heir to the throne, was appointed to be king of england which got william angry because he claimed that edward promised him that he would be king. Harold killed Harald Hadrada at the battle of Fulford, and William killed Harold Godwinson at the battle of hastings and became king of england. (I’M AN 11 YEAR OLD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!)

  4. I like it!!!! This is a great blog entry!

  5. Nice!! 🙂 😀

  6. To say the Vikings “dominated” the inhabitants of Normandy is misleading; it was more the opposite. After 911, when the king of France recognized Rollo as Duke of Normandy, he and his followers settled down and assimilated into the local culture, adopting Christianity and the French language. By the time of William, there was little left of Viking influence in Normandy, and their ancestors had almost all intermarried into the population. William himself was ethnically a mutt of a bunch of different noble lineages (he was related to the royal houses of both France and England). The last Viking? Not so much.

    • No, It wasn’t the opposite. They did not adopt French language, their own language gradually merged with the locals into a mix. The Norman language remained a hybrid language and the Danish influence on the French language can be seen until this day. As well as place names. If as you say they had lost their culture, then why why were they so different than the French and why did they keep fighting them? Why did they use longboats etc etc. They completely transformed their new kingdom in their own image and created something quite amazing that hadn’t been seen before but at the heart of it was the Viking element. The castle/fort building was also a Viking concept with stones and Byzantine architectural inspiration added to fortify it. If the Normans had become French they would not have conquered England or sailed to Sicily or scattered castles all over Europe. When King Canute invaded England he most likely used the ports in Normandy and had an element of Norman warriors with him. Danish kings were allies of the Normans before then as well. The agenda so many have to erase the viking heritage from the world is appalling.

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